Girl in New City- Farewell to the old one..!

As the bus came to a halt & I heard unfamiliar names of the bus stop,where I was getting down, it dawned on me that "this is it". I am actually here...!

I remembered the same way I had moved 9 years back, to a city which has become a home for me now. I was a scrawny kid in my early twenties back then, a little awkward, with many dreams in my eyes. Born and raised in a defence background, this was my first time moving to a new city without my parents and as a Civilian.

I studied, bunked college, explored places, partied.. I made friends, I lost them and made new ones. I learned a lot, unlearned some. I fell in love, got my heart broken. I laughed and I cried. I lost my way and found it back. I fell in love with the city and everything in it.

And now I'm bidding Goodbye to the city which embraced me whole heartedly and made me one of its own. And it made me who I am today.

It'll always have a special place in my heart and I'll always feel like home here. A part of me will always be in the city.

So for now Adios Pune..! I'll come back whenever I can.


T@nu

किसी और से नही

किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं
क्या चाहती हूं और क्या नही तय नही कर पा रही हूं मैं
सही गलत की पहचान नहीं कर पा रही हूं मैं
एक बेचैनी सी है मन में जिससे उलझ रही हूं मैं
किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं।

याद आता है बीता वक़्त कुछ अच्छी  कुछ बुरी यादोँ के साथ
इन यादो के सहारे जी लूं या इन्हें भूल कर आगे निकल जाऊं
ये समझ नही पा रही हूँ मैं
क्या चाहती हूं और क्या नही तय नही कर पा रही हूं मैं
किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं।
किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं।

T@nu

Around the corner

You didn't even turn to look back,
Maybe someone was waiting for one look.

You didn't even slow down the speed,
Maybe someone was waiting to catch up.

You didn't even turn down the volume,
Maybe someone was waiting for you to listen.

You didn't even express,
Maybe someone was ready to feel.

You say it's all left behind now,
Maybe someone is just around the corner.

T@nu

Why did you make her fall?

She waits for a text from you everyday. Yes she said she won't expect anything, but she does. She also said she won't fall in love, but she did. She couldn't help it. It wasn't in her control. She fell so hard that it still hurts. It hurts because she didn't expect herself to fall so hard. It hurts where she never thought it could. She never wanted this to happen. She had sworn off of this thing called love. And she betrayed herself by letting you in.

She did try to stop herself from getting into it but then she didn't realise, the distance she'd already travelled. It was difficult to go back even after knowing that there's nowhere to go further. But then there was no way to go back as well, there was something which pulled her further in. And she kept flowing into it because she couldn't stop. What was it that you did to her, that all her defences melted? She had been strong for too long, but you changed it.

She had been living a life wherein she wasn't herself most of the time, she did things which would be acceptable by people around her. But with you she was so herself that she often wondered is that really her..! She didn't need to pretend anything while she was with you. She could just be herself and do and say anything she wants. This freed her,liberated her. But this also tied her up with you. It was only you who could make her feel so alive about herself, Make her forget about whatever had happened in her earlier life.

Even you found solace with her, and she loved to be able to bring the calm in your otherwise chaotic life. You went up to her whenever you needed to run away from things which bothered you. And she'd be there, always. She had promised you she'd be there for you. I think while promising that she forgot to ask you in return the same thing, to be there whenever she needed you.

Because now you are not there. She knew you won't be there but a big part of her heart still waits. She's always available for you and you always prefer your plans over her.  She keeps losing herself everytime you don't answer her call, everytime you chose someone else over her.

Still believes that whatever you two had wasn't just a fluke, wasn't just her imagination. You did assure her time and again, that it wasn't, that it was all true, that you felt the same way about her. But you know what, She's hurting every day. She remembers so many little things about you that it pains her heart to even think about it. She remembers the first message you sent her on that office chat. She remembers the lyrics that you used to send her randomly. Rewinding and listening to the special lyrics everytime has become a habit for her now.

What should she do? Should she lock you and your memories in a box and hide it somewhere? Will it stop hurting then? Do you have answers to any of the questions? I know you don't. Because you don't even think about her the way she does. She was just a convenient phone call for you whenever you felt sad,alone or frustrated. And now because she is always available for you,she has become someone from whom you wanna run away.

Just answer one question for her:

Why did you make her fall when you knew you won't be there to catch her?

T@nu

If you want to be happy... BE..!

Do we have an option to just be? To not be anything else, to not pretend anything, to not be in a particular mood, to just be without any reasons without any explanations...! To just be...! Just like that.

Everything'd be so easier then. No complications, no expectations, no pretentiousness, just simple uncomplicated life.

You can just be happy when you want to be or you feel like being sad.. Go ahead.. Be that.
Why should you be giving excuses like PMS or bad day at office or something like that. Just be the way you feel like. Just be what you want to be.

Express what you feel. Don't feel the need to give a reason for it. Someone who understands your sadness or happiness will not need a reason for it.

And feel every emotion..!! It doesn't make you emotionally weak. It makes you emotionally strong.

So if you want to be happy... BE..! :-)

Happy new year..!

T@nu

Safe Haven

Is it possible to have complete transparency in a relationship? It can be any relation love, friendship, family anything. Can we be completely honest with atleast one person always, except maybe ourselves? Or is it too difficult? Do we feel vulnerable? Do we feel too naked while expressing everything what we have in mind?

I feel there should be someone besides me, with whom I Don't feel judged if I say anything, if I talk what I have in mind. That person will be my "safe Haven".

I would love to become somebody's safe Haven, somebody's Refuge. But as it turns out it is rather difficult task. It is next to impossible to make someone trust you so much, to consider you his/her Refuge.

No matter what you do, there'd be something which will hold the person back. Even if you bare your soul to them, will they do the same??

T@nu

Pieces 2

You were surprised today. You felt something was different. You couldn't point it out. You were looking for the reason around you. You were very close to it but you couldn't figure out. She didn't smile today. She didn't laugh the way she has been all these days, for others. She did it for herself. She didn't try to cheer up just because people needed her to be happy. She was engrossed in herself today. There was no twinkle in her eyes yet there was a spark. She didn't have a bounce in her steps rather a grace. She wasn't bubbling with enthusiasm, she had a serene calmness on her face. She didn't try to sound cheerful, yet her voice was happy.

This is a new HER. The one you don't know because she put back her PIECES differently.

T@nu