Girl in New City- Farewell to the old one..!

As the bus came to a halt & I heard unfamiliar names of the bus stop,where I was getting down, it dawned on me that "this is it". I am actually here...!

I remembered the same way I had moved 9 years back, to a city which has become a home for me now. I was a scrawny kid in my early twenties back then, a little awkward, with many dreams in my eyes. Born and raised in a defence background, this was my first time moving to a new city without my parents and as a Civilian.

I studied, bunked college, explored places, partied.. I made friends, I lost them and made new ones. I learned a lot, unlearned some. I fell in love, got my heart broken. I laughed and I cried. I lost my way and found it back. I fell in love with the city and everything in it.

And now I'm bidding Goodbye to the city which embraced me whole heartedly and made me one of its own. And it made me who I am today.

It'll always have a special place in my heart and I'll always feel like home here. A part of me will always be in the city.

So for now Adios Pune..! I'll come back whenever I can.


T@nu

किसी और से नही

किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं
क्या चाहती हूं और क्या नही तय नही कर पा रही हूं मैं
सही गलत की पहचान नहीं कर पा रही हूं मैं
एक बेचैनी सी है मन में जिससे उलझ रही हूं मैं
किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं।

याद आता है बीता वक़्त कुछ अच्छी  कुछ बुरी यादोँ के साथ
इन यादो के सहारे जी लूं या इन्हें भूल कर आगे निकल जाऊं
ये समझ नही पा रही हूँ मैं
क्या चाहती हूं और क्या नही तय नही कर पा रही हूं मैं
किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं।
किसी और से नही रोज़ खुद से ही लड़ रही हूं मैं।

T@nu

Around the corner

You didn't even turn to look back,
Maybe someone was waiting for one look.

You didn't even slow down the speed,
Maybe someone was waiting to catch up.

You didn't even turn down the volume,
Maybe someone was waiting for you to listen.

You didn't even express,
Maybe someone was ready to feel.

You say it's all left behind now,
Maybe someone is just around the corner.

T@nu

Why did you make her fall?

She waits for a text from you everyday. Yes she said she won't expect anything, but she does. She also said she won't fall in love, but she did. She couldn't help it. It wasn't in her control. She fell so hard that it still hurts. It hurts because she didn't expect herself to fall so hard. It hurts where she never thought it could. She never wanted this to happen. She had sworn off of this thing called love. And she betrayed herself by letting you in.

She did try to stop herself from getting into it but then she didn't realise, the distance she'd already travelled. It was difficult to go back even after knowing that there's nowhere to go further. But then there was no way to go back as well, there was something which pulled her further in. And she kept flowing into it because she couldn't stop. What was it that you did to her, that all her defences melted? She had been strong for too long, but you changed it.

She had been living a life wherein she wasn't herself most of the time, she did things which would be acceptable by people around her. But with you she was so herself that she often wondered is that really her..! She didn't need to pretend anything while she was with you. She could just be herself and do and say anything she wants. This freed her,liberated her. But this also tied her up with you. It was only you who could make her feel so alive about herself, Make her forget about whatever had happened in her earlier life.

Even you found solace with her, and she loved to be able to bring the calm in your otherwise chaotic life. You went up to her whenever you needed to run away from things which bothered you. And she'd be there, always. She had promised you she'd be there for you. I think while promising that she forgot to ask you in return the same thing, to be there whenever she needed you.

Because now you are not there. She knew you won't be there but a big part of her heart still waits. She's always available for you and you always prefer your plans over her.  She keeps losing herself everytime you don't answer her call, everytime you chose someone else over her.

Still believes that whatever you two had wasn't just a fluke, wasn't just her imagination. You did assure her time and again, that it wasn't, that it was all true, that you felt the same way about her. But you know what, She's hurting every day. She remembers so many little things about you that it pains her heart to even think about it. She remembers the first message you sent her on that office chat. She remembers the lyrics that you used to send her randomly. Rewinding and listening to the special lyrics everytime has become a habit for her now.

What should she do? Should she lock you and your memories in a box and hide it somewhere? Will it stop hurting then? Do you have answers to any of the questions? I know you don't. Because you don't even think about her the way she does. She was just a convenient phone call for you whenever you felt sad,alone or frustrated. And now because she is always available for you,she has become someone from whom you wanna run away.

Just answer one question for her:

Why did you make her fall when you knew you won't be there to catch her?

T@nu

If you want to be happy... BE..!

Do we have an option to just be? To not be anything else, to not pretend anything, to not be in a particular mood, to just be without any reasons without any explanations...! To just be...! Just like that.

Everything'd be so easier then. No complications, no expectations, no pretentiousness, just simple uncomplicated life.

You can just be happy when you want to be or you feel like being sad.. Go ahead.. Be that.
Why should you be giving excuses like PMS or bad day at office or something like that. Just be the way you feel like. Just be what you want to be.

Express what you feel. Don't feel the need to give a reason for it. Someone who understands your sadness or happiness will not need a reason for it.

And feel every emotion..!! It doesn't make you emotionally weak. It makes you emotionally strong.

So if you want to be happy... BE..! :-)

Happy new year..!

T@nu

Safe Haven

Is it possible to have complete transparency in a relationship? It can be any relation love, friendship, family anything. Can we be completely honest with atleast one person always, except maybe ourselves? Or is it too difficult? Do we feel vulnerable? Do we feel too naked while expressing everything what we have in mind?

I feel there should be someone besides me, with whom I Don't feel judged if I say anything, if I talk what I have in mind. That person will be my "safe Haven".

I would love to become somebody's safe Haven, somebody's Refuge. But as it turns out it is rather difficult task. It is next to impossible to make someone trust you so much, to consider you his/her Refuge.

No matter what you do, there'd be something which will hold the person back. Even if you bare your soul to them, will they do the same??

T@nu

Pieces 2

You were surprised today. You felt something was different. You couldn't point it out. You were looking for the reason around you. You were very close to it but you couldn't figure out. She didn't smile today. She didn't laugh the way she has been all these days, for others. She did it for herself. She didn't try to cheer up just because people needed her to be happy. She was engrossed in herself today. There was no twinkle in her eyes yet there was a spark. She didn't have a bounce in her steps rather a grace. She wasn't bubbling with enthusiasm, she had a serene calmness on her face. She didn't try to sound cheerful, yet her voice was happy.

This is a new HER. The one you don't know because she put back her PIECES differently.

T@nu

Pieces..!

She gets up everyday, gathers her pieces, puts them back together, pastes the smile back, tries to bring the twinkle in eyes and gets ready to face the world.

They call her brave, strong, sometimes even practical but they don't know what she goes through to be all of that everyday.

For every smile she fakes during the day,she cries a silent tear at the night. These are the times when she allows herself to feel everything, she lets the tears flow, she lets the feelings overcome her, she removes the mask oof strength she otherwise keeps on and she becomes one with herself.

The pieces break slowly and she drifts away into the darkness only to wake up the next day to gather herself back, paste the smile, brings the twinkle back and gets ready to start the day...

T@nu

Irritating habits of people

Hey there...
I'm writing this with personal experience and though there are people around me who constantly do these things which irritate me this post does not target anyone specifically…. (It does target a lot of people specifically, not just one..! ;-)
So the list goes like this- 

1. Chewing with their mouth open- I don't know how some people don't realize that/when they chew with their mouth open it makes noise (phach phach phach chap chap) Gross!! I can't eat properly when such a person is beside me. Also if I am doing something else & someone is eating like this I can't concentrate...!

2. Picking nose in public- Now this one is dirty, very dirty.. Don't wanna write more about it.. 

3. Scratching their body parts- I understand that the jeans you're wearing is itching you somewhere it shouldn't but for God's sake you are standing on a bus stop with around 20 people... Don't do it right now... You think nobody's looking at you but somebody is definitely looking when you're doing that and that's not a pretty sight... 

I'll update the post as I find more of these irritating habits or things people do in public... Till then you can write in comments if you find something

Till then
Keep writing keep loving ☺

T@nu

Random Musings

• उडा कर हमारी नींदे वो कहते हैं कि सो जाओ, हंस रहे हैं  हमपे हमारी ऐसी हालत करके....!

• पाऊस: कधी मनसोक्त भिजायला आवडत, कधी फक्त खिडकीत बसून बघायला आवडत 

            कधी खूप एकटे करून जातो तर कधी सगळ्यात जवळचा मित्र होऊन जातो...!

T@nu

That's amazing...!!!

Photographer Shoots Priceless Photos of Grandparents’ Anniversary Inspired by the Movie, ‘Up’ http://www.exposureguide.com/inspiration/photographer-shoots-priceless-photos-of-grandparents-anniversary-inspired-by-the-movie-up/

Roadsters...

There are a lot of people on the roads.

1. Using their neck as indicators. Bikers. He's looking to his right again n again he might wanna turn towards right. Oh but there's no right turn. He just want to overtake. Duh..! They do this while turning too. Do they keep forgetting that there's a button on the left hand side of their bike handle which allows the other people to know that you wish to turn.

2. Forgetting to switch off the indicator/blinkers. If by some mistake they do switch on the indicator they'll forget to turn it off and keep confusing other drivers all the while.

3. Honking continuously even on stop lights. Dude the person in front of you also wants to go somewhere, he doesn't juat wanna stay on the road so be patient for a minute.

4. Not stopping at stop signal. A lot of them do not respect the red signal and still zoom by making it dangerous for them as well as others.

5. Not wearing helmets on two wheelers.

2013 After Expiry date of 2012...

Today morning I read a status on Facebook by my friend which goes like

"Poonam Pandey taking a dip in the Holy wates during Kumbh mela,
Sunny Leone visiting Siddhivinayak,
Agarkar hitting century,
India winning back to back matches,
Manmohan singh giving 2 public speeches in January......


What's wrong with 2013???
.
.
.
.

See this is what happens to the world after expiry date #2012... "

And that I think is very true... :)
I don't know whether the connection is correct or not but I am feeling same things... 

Not exactly where I can say what's wrong with 2013? But yes something somewhere is right..:)
After almost 3-4 years of no contact or very less of it after graduation one friend made a group on watsapp and brought our group in touch again... This was the most happening group in college days and we all were the best of buddies... but priorities changed sometime after graduation and though we were in touch but it was not like earlier... So this guy did the really great thing and we all started "watsapping"... one minute you leave thechat and thr are 50 unread msgs for you.. Some of us were in office,  some were studying some were doing something else but everyone of us was contributing... everyone had so much to say so much to tease each other. .. it was just like old times when what was important was just friends... We were again those 19-20 year olds when mass bunking was a 'hep' thing, when group study was the best way to study, when teasing friends in front of someone he/she likes was fun.. And in the next week we all met...!!! Some of us were in the same city for the past few years but we never met each other and here for this reunion ppl came from Mumbai too..!!
We had lots and lots of fun that day and we are still keeping in touch now very actively..

So the start of 2013 for me has been very good though my laziness is not going away as I m completing this one after almost 1.5 months that I started... ;) :p
I just wish to be a bit more regular here so as to be able to pour my heart out here... Oh Lord give me the patience to come back here Everyday...!!

Till later
Be happy keep safe and Keep writing...
Love
Tanu

Trying to do something I always wanted to...!! Thank You Preeti Shenoy... :)

So, here I am on a sleepless night when my mind is full of random thoughts, trying to channelize them through writing. ... which is what I always wanted to do.
When I was young I read a book named the diary of a little girl by Anne Frank and decided that I should also document my days, my feelings,  my life... And so I started writing diary... I even named my diary Anne... (she used to call her's Kitty). I loved the feeling of penning the day's events as I used to feel them again while writing. ..
Not just that I could give a second thought on it too... Thus many a times I could see things from a very different perspective which was exhilarating... Writing my diary helped me find many answers to a lot of questions and problems...
I wrote for almost 3-4 years and then I quit... Though writing gave me immense pleasure helped me unwind it made me sad when I turned pages and read about a bad day a fight with a friend or a stupid day of lots of misunderstandings....! It reminded me all the things that happened that day and I would feel why did I even write that..? Was it necessary  to mention it? I was young I was opinionated and sometimes I wrote bad about a very good frnd if we had a fight and reading it after 6 months I used to feel that I am so bad that I wrote such things about my own friends... or how could my friends say such bad things to me... :(
Anyways after many such sad incidents later i thought I should Quit... And I did that...
All these years I missed doing what I love the most but somewhere i was scared to start it again... Sometimes I just scribbled something and threw it away as I did not want to read it again... And today m daring to write again maybe because today is a special day... For the first time in my life I met an Author "Preeti Shenoy" She had come down to Pune for her new book "The Secret Wish List". I got a book signed by her... I don't know it's her impact or what but i felt like writing and what better way to do so by writing a blog... I don't know I should mention her here or not without her permission, I have read all her books and I love the way she writes, and meeting her today has surely inspired my subconscious otherwise I would not have done it... So Thank you Preeti Shenoy for coming to Pune...!!
A few pics of the event, I got it signed on my and my friend Tejaswini's name... :)

Till Later,
Keep Writing
Tanushri